Go Cubs!

Gosh, I know it has been forever since my last post. And you'll have to wait a bit longer I'm afraid, as I'm in the home of the brave and the land of the free until Sunday. I'll update you all on the great time I'm having in Chicago when I return.

P.S. I'd love more feedback on my last post. I know a lot of people have read it, but declined to post a rating. Let me assure you that any secrets you reveal here will be completely anonymous.

I Chose Hell For The Company

What better way to start the week than with a post about sex? That's a rhetorical question, by the way.

I recently saw the movie Kinsey (view the trailer here), which chronicles the life of biologist and human sexuality research scientist Alfred Kinsey. Damn, did it ever get me all hot and bothered educatized. Kinsey can be given much of the credit for jolting a reluctant America into the throws of sexual revolution. One of the many things the man is famous for is the scale that bears his name. The Kinsey Scale is based on a notion (supported in subsequent studies) that sexual orientation exists on a continuum and is not an either-or condition. The scale is as follows:

(0) Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
(1) Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
(2) Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
(3) Equally heterosexual and homosexual
(4) Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
(5) Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
(6) Exclusively homosexual

According to Kinsey's research, the vast majority of people fall somewhere in the middle with very few being exclusively hetero or homosexual. To me, this is simply common sense. I acknowledge that there is undeniable utility in identifying oneself as exclusively straight or gay. When people put themselves and others into clearly delineated categories, it contributes to their sense of identity and makes it easier to build a community amongst those in the same group. Categories also allow us to make assumptions about each other that facilitate social interaction. Still, the reality is that there are as many sexual orientations as there are people on this planet. We are each made up of sexual histories of infinite variety and the Kinsey Scale is a much more accurate conception of this variety than the myth that a person is either gay, straight or bisexual. The scale still uses artificial categories (the seven subdivisions), but it is much more effective at illustrating the continuous gradient along which human sexuality exists.

To demonstrate my point, I thought it would be dirty and kinky fun and educational to invite my readers to anonymously rate themselves using the Kinsey Scale. I'll start. I'd say I'm about a 4.5. Where do you rank? It's necessary to consider the whole range of your sexual activities in assessing your place on the continuum. Specifically, consider your thoughts, fantasies and dreams as well as the type and frequency of your sexual activity and your emotional feelings about that activity. Post your ranking by clicking on "Comments" at the bottom of this entry. If you want to remain anonymous, simply chose "Anonymous" or "Other" as your identity. Your deviant sexual predilections will then remain hidden from everyone except for God and that guy you did that thing to that time.

Politicians Are Gay

"Don't look at me. I just work here."

Bill C-38 was supposed to come back from committee and go before the house for third and final reading today. Instead, the morning paper greeted me thus: "Same-sex, budget trade-off". The Conservatives are apparently willing to drop their opposition to the amended budget bill as long as the Liberals agree to delay a vote on same-sex marriage legislation until the fall. Unfortunately, the Liberals seem prepared to capitulate. Paul Martin would like nothing more than for the Conservatives to take the heat for this, saying, "Really, that is in the hands of the opposition... If the opposition continues to filibuster, then that is in their hands." This is, however, a complete mischaracterization of the situation. There are at least two ways the budget bill can make it to Senate before the House rises for the summer.

(1) The government could invoke closure, terminating further debate on the bill and forcing a vote in the House. This is an undesirable course of action, as it would inevitably be spun to seem undemocratic.

(2) The government could extend the current session into the summer. Both the Bloc Quebecois and the NDP are ready to sit into the summer to see the bill passed. Even Liberal Justice Minister Irwin Cotler seems frustrated by the delay. "I, frankly, have nowhere to go. I'm happy to sit here all summer if it were up to me," he said. Unfortunately, Cotler has little influence over parliamentary procedure. Libearl House Leader Tony Valeri does, however. The man in charge of Liberal bills said the party remains committed to seeing the same-sex marriage legislation pass, but his words ring hollow.

I am at a loss to explain why opponents of same-sex marriage are gunning for a delay. What do they hope to achieve? Gay marriage is a reality. 87% of Canadians live in a jurisdiction where they can marry the person they love, regardless of gender. Courts in seven provinces and one territory agree that the 'traditional' definition of marriage is unconstitutional. There is no question that the Supreme Court will rule the same way. Vote and move on to other business.

That this legislation should face a four month delay after being debated for two and a half years in Parliament and across the country is largely due to Conservative posturing. Stephen Harper is happy to draw the debate out until the fall in the hope that he can use the legislation as a wedge issue to drive voters to his party. Absolutely friggin' clueless, that boy is. The Liberals have emerged from one of the biggest political scandals in Canadian history as popular as ever and the Conservatives are scraping bottom in the polls. The message for Harper should be clear: there is no appetite in this country for the self-righteous morality that Harper and the CPC exude.

(For more on this story visit the CBC, CTV, National Post or Toronto Star.)

What A Bunch Of Con-suck-ertives

A good portion of the countless hours I spend surfing the Internet is wasted away reading conservative message boards and blogs. What I've found is that, generally, though not always, those who hold traditional or conservative beliefs have a hard time expressing themselves. Their arguments are often vacuous and emotionally driven and full of hateful name-calling. Recently, Capitalist Pig vs. Socialist Swine linked to the conservative blog Small Dead Animals, where a poster called for a return to mob rule in response to what he perceived as the injustice of the Khadr family being allowed to remain in Canada. What I found even more revealing, however, were the comments that followed the post.

Typical liberal, open-minded thinking. So open-minded in fact, that their brains have long ago leaked out!

How much protection money do you think Chretien has paid AlQuaida ?

The last I heard, she was refusing to return from Pakistan because she was afraid the Canadian government would refuse her and the family passports preventing them from travelling to jihadi-land.

So it would be OK with you if Canada just opens it's doors wide open to people like the Khadrs as a means of protecting the citizens of Canada????! Oh, waaait a minute. Canada under the thieverals, has alresdy done all that.

As long as the Khadr family supports the Libranos, I doubt they're going anywhere which just makes me want to vomit.

They could eat for free, get to ride around in an armored limo and have the Lieberal goon squad wait on them hand and foot.

The above is a typical example of the discourse on these sorts of sites. Everything is black-or-white. There is a blanket denial of the nuance, the shades of grey. These people don't care that the Khadr's are Canadian citizens and they ignore the potential consequences of deporting a passport holder. They rely instead on extreme characterizations of both the Khadr family and the Liberal party.

I'm not saying that conservative positions are entirely untennable, just that many conservatives seem to prefer to advance their position by hurling insults, spouting hyperbole, citing extreme hypotheticals and encouraging a culture of fear as opposed to engaging the other side in reasoned, logical debate. I can see why this preference exists. This strategy has worked well for conservatives and religious fundamentalists south of the broder. It is much easier and arguably more effective to humiliate and dehumanize an opponent than to say anything substantial.

If You Only Click One Link Today...

George Walker Bush wants you to give peace a chance. You owe it to yourself (and to me, you selfish bastard) to check out this mash-up (MP3, some swearing) of John Lennon's 'Imagine'. This piece by Wax Audio is an extraordinary technical and creative achievement, full of nuance, in which Bush delivers the lyrics of this famous peace anthem with a surprising amount of (admitedly manufactured) emotion and humanity. Take the time to download it, crank it up and give it a good listen.

Beyond The Far Side

Hello faithful readers. Let me help you while away the weekend with comic strips from The Perry Bible Fellowship. Click on a cartoon to enlarge. If this humour suits you, check the archives for much more from cartoonist Nicholas Gurewitch.

No One Is Thirsty



Shotgun Settle



Billiards In Heaven



New Specs For Ken



Suicide Train



Gopher Trouble

The State Of The Nation

Over the last two years I've developed a deep interest in all things political. I've also developed an acute fear for the future of Confederation, the threads of which are being continually strained by forces operating both within our borders and beyond. Aside from external pressure to pursue tighter North American integration, the greatest threat to Confederation comes from the recent surge of regionalism fueled by inter-provincial resentment. Alberta is angry at what it sees as a disconnect between Eastern and Western Canada and the exploitation of their natural resources through an inequitable equalization formula. Ontario was green with envy at the recent infusion of federal cash into Newfoundland and Labrador (a historically disadvantaged province) and cried "me too!" Quebec feels its culturally distinct identity is constantly under attack from English Canada and support for sovereignty has risen dramatically as a result of the sponsorship scandal. With Paul Martin's blessing, provinces are pushing away from Ottawa and turning inwards, weakening Confederation in the process.

All Canadians risk a loss of identity as a result, and it is this identity that allows us to maintain our sovereignty in the face of external pressure from the United States. If Confederation were ever to fail, the fragmented pieces of our country would be left floundering in a soup of uncertainty and mediocrity waiting to be snatched up piecemeal by the United States.

This is not to say that the provinces don't have legitimate concerns. The West is underrepresented in Ottawa and is right to feel disenfranchised. Likewise, the West has been blessed with an abundance of natural resources and it is reasonable for the East to expect that wealth to be distributed. Using these issues to drive a wedge between Canadians and fuel provincial protectionism, however, threatens all of our futures.

The solution, frankly, is for everyone to stop being so selfish. Each province should be working towards strengthening Canada as a country, not simply advancing its own interests. Sure, this may mean giving up oil revenue so that a poorer province can provide its citizens with healthcare or letting go of political clout so that another province has an equal chance to be heard in Ottawa. Our ability to make sacrifices for the benefit of the greater good is what has defined Canadians for the last 137 years and made this country a safe, humane and enviable place to live. If we want to stay strong as one great nation, we would do best to remember that.

Enough With The Lawyer Jokes

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

A friend recently emailed me with excerpts from Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History. This email is circulating the Internet, seemingly propelled by an inherent antagonism of lawyers. I'm not denying that these courtroom bloopers are amusing, but they also serve as fodder feeding the myth that anyone with a postage stamp and two weeks to kill can earn a degree in law. Law school is hard, mostly because its full of hyper-intelligent people that can make you feel tiny and stupid, no matter how big of a big man on campus you were in undergrad. Actually practicing law is an even bigger challenge, partly because the profession has become so specialized. Still, the public loves having a laugh at our expense, until, that is, they wind up in front of a judge.

Lazy Days

It seems like I'm always yearning to be somewhere I'm not. This summer, my heart is in Japan. I won't be going anytime soon, but the weather in Toronto has partially made up for this. It was a spec-frickin'-tacular 31 degrees outside today and we'll be seeing similar temperatures for the rest of the week. I spent yesterday with a friend of mine downtown, soaking up the sight of people in their summer wear. We did some shopping, visited the simulator at Golf Town, played guitar and sat out in the sun. The highlight of the day was lounging in Dundas Square, at the centre of an urban oasis, feeling the sun soak my skin. Nothing compares to the warm, intense tingle across exposed arms and the back of my neck that's a sure sign that summer has arrived. Pavement hallucinations are another sign. The rippling of air above hot asphalt. The rainbow that actually circled my feet and followed me as I crossed a freshly paved intersection. Mmm, summer.

This Is A Recording

It's been four long days since my last post. I've been fairly busy this week and haven't found the time or motivation to sit down and write. My ADHD also contributed to the delay. No matter. I've finally sat down in front of the computer and I now have plenty to write about.

First, let's get the latest on Grewal out of the way, as this story is beginning to bore me. On Wednesday, Conservative MP Gurmant Grewal released more audiotape to both the RCMP and the public, giving us an unprecedented look at the type of backroom deal that is likely all too common on Parliament Hill. You can read the transcripts and listen to the audio here. Remember, there are two key questions everyone is trying to answer:

(1) Was an offer made?
(2) Who approached whom?

(1) It's now obvious that an offer was on the table. Though much of the language is deliberately ambiguous and vague, it's clear from these transcripts that the two parties were involved in intense negotiations. Grewal seemed plagued by uncertainty and tried in vain to secure a firm promise from the Liberals of a reward for abstaining on the budget vote. "As long as there is uncertainty I will not be going anywhere," he said. Murphy attempted to assuage Grewal by saying his party can be trusted, but any reward would come later after "we get out from under this gold fish bowl".

(2) The transcripts contain no convincing evidence as to who made the initial offer and there's certainly nothing that corrobrates the Liberal party line that Grewal "simply wouldn't take no for an answer." Both parties seemed very eager to make a deal. The Conservatives continue to play games, however. It's said there are four hours of audio tape, but the Conservatives have released only 90 minutes so far. Also, the beginnings and endings of some of the conversations are missing. Without a complete picture, it's impossible to know who approached whom. This question may be moot, however. From what I have read, both parties seemed to have been fully engaged in negotiations in good faith and both are apt to be found criminally liable under s. 119(1) of the Criminal Code in an RCMP investigation. I'm not sure why Grewal is pushing this so much though. He comes off just as seedy as the Liberals -- even more so if you believe that he taped these conversations to give him an upper hand in future negotiations.

It should be noted that there are increased grumblings in Ottawa that the tapes were altered (also see The National Post). Forensic audio engineers hired by two different news agencies to judge the tapes' authenticity have independently concluded that the audio has been edited. This would explain why the Conservatives took 14 days to release the tapes to the police. It will be a sad day in Canadian politics if these conclusions are confirmed.

To be honest, the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. I feel a little like Lisa Simpson after she saw a Congressman take a bribe in exchange for logging rights to Springfield National Forest. Scandals like this are why 65% of Canadians have little or no confidence in their political leaders.

Yellowknife Councillor Alan Woytuik also caused me some general stomach upset last week when he proclaimed June 9th to be Heterosexual Day, one day before the city's Gay Pride Day. "I feel that recognizing the contributions of heterosexuals is just as legitimate as recognizing the contributions of gay and lesbian communities," he said. "I don't feel there's any reason for anyone to object to this particular proclamation." Maybe it's just me, but I thought everyday was Heterosexual Day. What people like Mr. Woytuik don't understand is that Gay Pride is an attempt to balance an existing inequality. The idea of a 'Heterosexual Day' is appalling for the same reason International Men's Day or White Heritage Month might be offensive. Luckily, the city realized what an embarrassment such a proclamation was and rescinded it five days later.

Looking for a new mobile? I fried my old phone in the shower (don't ask) and recently replaced it with the LG 125 from Telus. It's one of the company's cheaper models, but includes a full feature set minus a digital camera. It's closest competition, the Samsung SCH A650, is only $20 dollars cheaper and lacks the LG's speakerphone and external display. Even with an internal antenna, which replaces the traditional nub that characterizes most flip phones, the LG manages better reception than other models in its price range. The phone consistently achieves 4 bars from the 22nd floor of my building, where my old phone only managed 2. It's available in a "flamboyant green and white", which looks much sharper in person than on the website. Have I suddenly turned into a corporate shill? No, but I do love this phone.